It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
