lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
