who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
