After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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