Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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