That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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