the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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