Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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