are you still at the devil's house?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
