went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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