Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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