Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
