i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
