i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
