i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
