It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
