toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
