She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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