We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone shit on the floor
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
