Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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