I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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