Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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