Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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