Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
