I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We need a shit load of segways right now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
