she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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