My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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