doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
