So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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