They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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