Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I showed him my bush... on skype.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The power of my boobs compel you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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