he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
