what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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