is your mom at the bar?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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