i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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