Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
