This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
