I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
