I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize