I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
