You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
