me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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