I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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