this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
