hotel room ftw
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
