we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize