he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
