I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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