just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
