I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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