"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
