Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
