i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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