At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
