You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
