you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
