My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize