cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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