1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
