she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
