I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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