apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
