He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
