READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
