I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
