so let's talk penis.
birth control should be required to get into college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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