Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
