So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
