Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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