Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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