jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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