My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
