I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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