I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
