I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
