Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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