Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
