i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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