They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
