how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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