I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
