I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize