apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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