I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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