dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
