remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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