My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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