Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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