so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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